The annual V-day M/F relationships writings...

you see online...  

[this blog post was started in 2011 and then forgotten for a while]

There were several interesting ones this year [2011]. The first was from a Mormon woman, let's say late 20s, in a big city (possibly NYC, but I don't recall). She was lamenting the usual "can't find a man" situation. So of course she had some requirements that weren't being met: same religion, no pre-marital sex. IIRC, she was unhappy that guys would not stick around long; not like she wasn't a good catch: good education, good job. Eventually one of them made it clear to her: "You left nothing for us to be/do in your life" (Mormons being still a bit more traditional per historical attitudes.) In other words: you are sufficiently independent that we have no self-perceived value in the relationship--how can we be a "provider" when you don't need that?

A male comment on an entirely different story I read some weeks later put it better: "We need to be needed." When we aren't, well, it's time to leave.

So around V-day there was a story by a woman in NYC who basically said to other women: "Can't find a man? It's you, not them." It went right to the heart of things: what you say you want and what you do aren't the same. Of course there was a firestorm of comments in response. Many were a little off-target ("Why the assumption that every woman needs a man?" -- you have to wonder why those folks even read the story to begin with, and then complained, they aren't the target audience). The author was herself having this trouble, thinks NYC demographics are part of the problem (apparently there are noticeably more single women than men there), but blames herself for essentially pursuing the excitement factor and variety rather than something else.

HU sez: "don't bitch about there being no good men--if you haven't found one then that isn't what you want."