It IS about the nail

My sister sent me this link a few days ago:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

which is amusing, and cringe-inducing, at the same time.

The worst of it, I think, from a male view, is when she says "It's not about the nail, I need you to listen to me"...because what we hear is "I am not interested in your opinion or participation", and then we just check out of the conversation. You get head-nods, "mmm-hmm"s, and maybe "how do you feel about that?", but we aren't actually listening any longer. If we internalize that enough, we aren't listening to anything you say after that, ever.

Few of us are clever enough to figure out how to lead her to come to the realization that it IS about the nail, and that we are wired to be suppliers of help if you come with a complaint of some sort.

It's not that we are being dismissive of your feelings (altho I'm sure some are), but that you want to talk about something which is causing you trouble, for which there is a clear and unmistakable cause and effect, and for which there is a clear solution.

and we are unable to imagine that removing the nail is NOT the first order of business.

It's worse for me. I'm an engineer--EVERYTHING looks like it needs problem-solving.